The week I wondered through.
The change in scenery from my laptop, my bedroom or the veg field was needed. I visited my grandparents, went for walks through corn fields and waited for the rain… then span to feel some type of movement as at the time i’d felt like i’d made mistake and or at least disappointed quite a few people.
Again I had all this freedom that a graduate should have but no general idea of which direction to take it’s like the signs all went blank or made me walk in a circle… a loop…. the term broken record never became so prominent.
I filmed parts of the week, allowed my art film maker side to come out and it felt good but still not a long term fix. When it came to editing I put all the footage in chronological order and began to look for music to soundtrack the week…… this was harder than I expected and thought it would be best to just walk away.
I watched ’13 Going on 30′ and during a scene where Jen Garner’s character felt so lost and confused the song ‘Vienna’ by Billy Joel came on and the first line just hit me… like a ton of bricks, falling piano and cold rain all at the same time.
“Slow down, you crazy child
you’re so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?”
The words slow down and the idea of taking time to just think, be a 20 something year old… it’s what I needed to hear. No one around me said relax and enjoy they just let me get on with things. This song just fit the week so well, hence why I used it for the video. Music has always had a way of bringing out emotion, helping with life’s sometimes impossible questions and just sometimes telling you what you need to hear.
It kinda made me realise that no one was expecting me to have my life planned ready, clearly typed and proof read at that current moment in time… to be honest who even in there 40’s has their life pinpointed on a map.
I hope you have all had a great weekend.
Not too sure I like revisiting this part of the summer. It’s that I regret not following through with the adventure I was given the chance to do… it’s just that I felt I let everyone down by not doing it. So when I get reminded of it, it just sucks really.
We are told to keep the past in the past, but we are also told to learn from it. But what if you didn’t know what you were suppose to learn and already pushed behind you?
One thing I keep reminding myself is that if I had gone, then I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t have done the things that lead to getting the job i’m in, doing the work i’m currently doing.
I guess what i’m saying is that you should never regret anything…
“Question everything. Your love, your religion, your passions. If you don’t have questions, you’ll never find answers.” – Colleen Hoover
The family tree research is on hiatus for the moment due to I just haven’t managed to make time to get back in to it. Although I am picking up stories from my grandparents every time I visit. I’m so happy just to sit and listen and then just ramble on about living in the boat club, incidents with bread vans, eating fruit while sitting on a wall and night cycling home from work.
There was one story that stuck in my mind and you can judge after you’ve heard it, but only if you laugh.
A man from the city was visiting ( lived in the country) he wished to use the toilet so asked to be pointed in the right direction. An finger pointed down the steps to the bottom of the garden. The man strolled down taking on the outside lavatory with courage that was far from cowardly. On his return he said to the man ( farmer) ” Sir you do know that there is no lock on the lavatory door” the worried tone made farmer laugh and he simply replied ” Well we haven’t had an shit stolen yet” he laughed a belly laugh and the city man looked dumbfounded.
My family ladies and gentlemen.
I love water… doy you need it to survive. Although what I mean is I love swimming, dipping my feet in a flowing river and the muffled sound when your head is submerged, it’s almost echo-ey and is in my top 5 favorites sounds.
When first thinking about this super power I instantly thought of the scene in Percy Jackson, well actually I thought SHARKS!!!! then my second thought was the scene when he was sitting at the bottom of the swimming pool… it seemed so peaceful. The idea of endless solitude and weightlessness is quite appealing.
However, as much as I would love to be able to stay under water for numerous hours the Jaws theme keeps popping in to my head. I know that even if you can’t breath underwater sharks are a problem when swimming, but they are one fear I don’t think i’ll ever be able to shake.
Also what if I wanted to use my power to go in search for the lost city of Atlantis or help Find Nemo… Sharks would probably be a major threat if I were to swim that far.
Ok so the easy solution is don’t swim that far, but if I had this power it would be a waste if I didn’t.. you see?….
Another con point to add is that i’d probs smell of fish…. then leading to me getting attacked by seagulls.
I suppose i’d save money thought, not needing scuba gear or diving lessons…. the great barrier reef would be amazing.
As you can see i’m slightly undecisive about whether or not this super power would be good…. maybe I should just ask Neville Longbottom for some Gilly weed then I choose when I wanted to breath underwater.
I will always still be learning, like everyone else each day i’ll get something wrong although some days it may only be to watch out for the plug on the floor or check the milk is in date before you pour it over cereal.
Ok so sometimes things won’t be that simple, lessons maybe a tad bigger and take longer than a day to learn; but i’m fine with that… on occasion, but patience is a quality that I know takes years to master even people of the older generation seem to lack it sometimes.
(Also growing sunflowers again this year and they are almost 3 feet tall… WIN!)
Routine is good and although I had a period of time where this routine and organization stopped, i’m back on track now; like I was this time last year. However this time around it looks like its going to last longer than til the end of the summer.
This I think shows growth, one more step over that door frame in to adult life… although like last year I still feel the urge to spin in a summer dress every now and again.
What? I maybe moving away from childhood but it’s only a short distance behind me.
Previous to this Sunday I had taken that final step and graduated from university; the freedom that I should have felt was not surfacing… I was worried that this state of in between was going to last longer than it was welcome.
Looking back on it I realise that I wanted to start living but couldn’t help but stay in the past, cling to those things that although I had outgrown still needed as a safety net.
I think subconsciously I was scared of what was next; I knew where I wanted to go but couldn’t seem to take the next step, maybe I didn’t know how to lift my foot off the ground or which direction to place it.
All I know now is i’m in a place where I never thought i’d be, in a job that didn’t even occur to me that i’d be doing.
I still go back now and again but I know how to let go now…. well sometimes.