3 to 4 Minutes of Relief

Hi Hiccups

Music has saved me so many times in the past and it continues to do so, the one constant that has never let me down.

There isn’t a day that goes by that music doesn’t show up somewhere, expected or not it arrives with it’s melodies, lyrics and bassline where Revelations, power and answers can all be found.

However, recently I have come to realise that they aren’t always going to keep my head straight continuously… that’s something I have to do, something I have to learn, practice and have patience with.

I know it’s impossible to keep music playing throughout the whole day cause at some point the headphones need to be taken out or the car journey ends. Songs end and I know there is a repeat button, trust me it has been so easily pressed on a down day or when I have simply been addicted to that power note just before the chorus… I hit it on occasion, that’s what I like to think anyway.

An instant fix, but it’s just that a fix until I get the shakes, shivers and symptoms only brought on by silence.

I have no idea where this post was heading, or what point I am trying to make.

Maybe music can save, be a safety blanket or a comfort of some sort… but sometimes you have to put it down, let go of it’s hand because you can’t keep your fingers laced with it permanently.

Laters Taters

Emx

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The Best Snowflake In The Flurry

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Starting over….

In all honesty those two words have been sat in my drafts folder for about 2 weeks, waiting for me to add to them. In truth as much as I like the idea of starting over, the idea of change scares me slightly and with the new year now here it’s time to start the process of change. That’s normally what happens on January 1st right, everyone starts there plan of action for a new year and a new start.. we are all creatures of habbit and routine even if we don’t realise we are doing it or try to deny.

However this year my plan of action is yet to come to me.

I haven’t really mapped out a route or even made a list of the things I am going to need for the journey of 2016.

Maybe I should do that, make a list, think about the future and maybe make a plan. There are so many things I want to do and have this huge fear that i’ve wasted time already trying to work things out.

The Future. Scary I know.

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Fast forward to a little over a week later and a route for 2016 still has not manifested in my head let alone in written word.

So many questions have cropped up…

But why do I need a plan or list of things I want to get done?

Where do I want to be by the end of the year? in 5 years? 10 years?

This runs through my head and to be honest it makes me kinda dizzy.

I did say to someone the other day…

“I’m excited and content at the same time, the idea I have all this life in front of me but I’m happy with where I am atm… Does that make sense ?”

10 minutes later through the magic of Tumblr messenger here is what my Dear Lady from across the ocean had to say.

“It makes perfect sense – I think – you are special for recognizing this, cultivating this, peace in your heart & soul. It shows in your visions and posts, especially lately – a real soft but energized charm to what you like”

There are somethings that I want to leave in 2015 and that only came to mind in the last 24 hours of the year.

I have a tendency to have mini epiphanies most weeks so maybe making a list that dictates a whole year may not be the best thing for me personally.

Although I do have a few goals for the year which I know won’t change.

  • Get to my slimming world target.
  • Finish first draft of my book.
  • More wifi-less days
  • Do something different every month

 

But most importantly this year I am going to be the best version of myself, be happy…

Be the best snowflake in my flurry

Life does tend to blow us about a bit, pushes and pulls us in various directions, some wanted & some not so much and don’t get me started on the change of pace… that’s sometimes a little too much to handle.

I guess we just have to learn to roll with it or fly, change the things we can… grab hold of a bird flying against the wind, take control.

Let other things fly, if you can’t change it don’t waste energy trying.

I know it’s easy for me to say all these things and believe me sometimes I do find myself grabbing hold of something that I should have left alone… we are only human and last year I let myself clutch on to something for far too long. Opps.

I have finally let go and my god it feels good… at the moment anyway, we’ll see where my head is in a  week for so, maybe a different story.

But hey, if these things were suppose to be easy to let go off I don’t think life would be much of a challenge really. Having to try that little bit harder will make you stronger, saying to yourself…

You may need your eagle wings for this one little bird

….every once in a while is no bad thing at all.

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 I do ramble don’t I.

I treat these posts more like conversations I would have with friends, continuous but sometimes they don’t have a plan.. hah plan.

They can be all over the place as i’m trying to work things out.. kinda raw but it’s works for me and i’m hoping you take something out of this, even if it us just one of the quotes in italics.

I hope you are all well and brought 2016 in with smiles, laughter and surrounded by people that mean the most to you.

Laters Taters

Emx

Little Rant

Why do they say in the aftermath of a bad day ” oh well there is always tomorrow” or “tomorrow is a new day”

and they also say ” there might not be a tomorrow… seize the day”

but you just said!

Oh for the love of Patrick Stumps voice range, which one is it?

It’s like they are giving you the hope of tomorrow then saying don’t waste today cause it maybe all you get.

We Had Today

Hi Hiccups,

We had today.

Words that have been left to gather dust in the back of my planner.

They popped in to my head at work, on a rainy summer day when my notebook hadn’t managed to jump in to my bag.

It’s only been a couple of months since they spilled and not moped up by kitchen towel. I’ve been wondering why I left them there, did they meant something, was something supposed to follow them. Why didn’t I ever just scribble them out? Maybe at the time I wanted a different 3 words, ones that I thought were coming and would make life a little brighter.

Life is bright… you just have to open your eyes lovely.

We did/do have today … we are lucky we had that day and the next day and the day after that; each sunrise we see and sunset we saw with mouths open in awe.

The days that flew by without a single flaw… we had those and sometimes we don’t realise that; we forget that each day is a gift not a given right. Holding on to each morning alarm and night time drive as tight as we can seems like an after thought.

Don’t let them go as they all too easily fly away.

Tie them to your wrists with string if you have to, or maybe around your bed post.  Keep them safe at the head of the bed next to your dream catcher; so when you feel yourself slipping down a muddy slope or life is moving a tad too fast, changes are a challenge. Just remember those days are just where you left them…grab one or two and lift yourself up a bit.

They may be the grip on reality you need, granted they might only lift you a few inches off the floor but at least they are proof of what can be… and will be.

Life does have it’s ups and downs, swings and roundabouts, junctions and sharp corners but remember there are stop signs, speed bumps and limits too.

 

Laters Taters

Emx

 

 

 

Fallen Petals Of Summer – extract

Alex was the incurable optimist… wanting to bloom all year round, pushing all the bad stuff down for the fear that if he let himself  feel it, he would fall too far and not get back up.. go too low.

But alas his season was up at the end of summer. He just fell, like the petals.

Lily thought he was evergreen.

That it was her petals that would fall. Not his.

So she did everything in her power to pluck them loose… to numb herself.

It’s pride really loosing/taking something away from yourself so no one can have the power to take it away from you. Your control. Nothing left to loose.

Your are evergreen Lily.

You are the one who is suppose to live all the seasons, move with the changes, fight the falling leaves, delight in dropping snow, melting rivers and the sun kissed grass.

It’s you.

I’ll hold you tighter in the dark

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I’ll hold you tighter in the dark,

so you know i’m there.

But don’t think of me as a selfless soul,

cause i’m just as glad you are there to hold.

Rubble and roots to keep me grounded,

and bring me light to grow and gravitate towards.

Because however much I love the fiery nature of this world,

the daily sparks that set off fireworks.

It is nice to feel warmth of a different kind,

like the gentle simmer of soup on rainy days,

or the tingle of numb fingers coming back to life.

It’s these reason why I hold you tighter in the dark,

holding on to the tiny spark.

Always,

Your idiot with a heart of gold.

Books That Have Stuck #1

I was asked to No I was tagged on Faceache to list 10 books that have stuck with me… there was two that came to mind. First one of which I had been thinking about for no particular reason, it just decided to appear, no trigger smell, sound or sight…. just there.

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I remember my eldest sister reading this to me for the first time , maybe when I was 7 or 8.. I can’t really remember but I know it was after we moved to the bigger farmhouse due to Granddad’s passing the winter before.

She would use voices… the Grandmother’s crackly chorus I loved the most, it brought the story to life. Amazing how a change of tone, pitch and persona can do that to black ink on white paper.

Not going to lie the ideas of mixing a potion or two did interest me also. Afternoons were spent throughout my childhood with my cousin gathering flowers, leaves and anything else of interest, mixing the different scents, colours in a Thomas the Tank or Fireman Sam mug.

This also reflects on our cooking skills as adults, experimenting or simply winging it to create a muddle of luck. He’s a baker now so it kinda worked in to his career even if he was set on engineering to begin with. Cooking is still a hobby and that’s how it’s going to stay with me.

Anyway, George, Dahl and the vocal performance from one sister, a mixture that has always stuck.

Weirdly, I’ve just been reading ‘Oh Comely’ and in one piece this particular book was one of the main focal points… strange.

And yes I’m planning on grabbing the red book I closed so many years ago and giving it a read once again.

Laters Taters

Emx

Journal Entry #5 ‘Just A Few Questions’

Ok if you are up there, why does all this bad stuff in the world happen?

By what i’ve been told you control this little planet you created, so why are wild gunmen that lack moral compasses allowed to roam free and take souls of the innocent?

….I don’t understand and it’s making it hard to believe you are even… well there to be honest.

Do you have no control over that?

Just there to pick up broken souls in aftermath, to bring peace to the passed and reassurance, guidance to the grieving?

It seems like people turn to you and confess like you are a best friend, a good listener with ice cream or alcohol or both. Can you clear this up please, i’m a tad confused.

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