He is my Friday

I wished i’d actually believed them when they said “it will happen” but what 14, 18…25 year old without ‘it’ going to do… be a non-believer, because at that moment it’s hard to think it could happen when there is no signs of it going to.

Now I don’t want to hedge my bets but I think, I hope this could be something. It’s so effortless, comfortable and we are just being us, no false pretenses or having too high of a guard up.

I feel like i’m on the edge but safe all the same, brave and sure enough to know I more than likely will be caught if I decide to jump… when I decide to jump … cause there is no if. I don’t like ‘if’s’

Plus lets face it i’m already bouncing on the balls of my feet, readying myself, warming up to dive in head first. Fearless.

He is my Friday.

The day we live for and gravitate to with out any resistance. The wind down day, where home is the main goal through crappy traffic, tractors and dirty winter windscreens.

……

Flash forward two months and it simply wasn’t meant to be.

“Life got in the way” seems to be my go to line when people that don’t know ask about the one that made me shine for those 3 weeks. Life did just happen and there isn’t much you can really do about it, it’s one of those things you can’t change; and someone very wise once told me you should never waste your energy and time on things you can’t change. It’s not productive, not clever and you’ll always come to the same conclusion.

 

“He was just a Friday… you need to find someone who can be your Monday Morning Coffee, Wednesday Weirdness and Sunday Solitude…you need someone to be your whole week not just one day.”

 

Emx

The Art Of Unfinished Creativity

Hey Hiccups,

I have perfected leaving projects unfinished, this post has been sat in my drafts box for a good few months….well 6 or 7 actually.

It may be a family trait as my dad is yet to finish the windows in my old room although it’s just those fiddly bits at the end…..no excuse I know.

“Our films are never truly finished. We just get to stop at our deadline.” – Brad Bird

There are a few uni projects that were finished for a deadline and which I truly believed had a solid conclusion and had ended; but now I don’t think this is the case. As they say there is always room from improvement and growth… growth, I have grown mentally and age wise since I received the hand-in receipts for those assignments; my views and opinions have changed due to experiences… many experiences.

Sometimes I find myself so determined to finish something that I think it needs to be done in a certain time frame, then I go over the top and the whole phrase ‘less is more’ pops in to my head… I should have just left it. Yes I should of and come back to it, nothing ever gets done in one go, like the 100 sit ups I did at lunch time (my stomach still hasn’t forgiven me for those 2 sets of 50)

“I don’t like finished things, because finished is over, dead.” – Norbert Bisky

Do I not want to know what the end piece/product will look like, is that why i don’t finish… ?….maybe, or it could be the creative energy has faded away or it’s just not working so I give up, leave and if I want to go back to it later.

“If you never feel like what you create is truly perfect… that’s fine, it keeps you wanting to create.” – Steven Speilberg (November Time Of The Month)

Nothing is ever finished…like life, because nothing is ever perfect and there is something perfectly beautiful about that.

Laters Taters

Emx

You Got This (playlist)

Whether you need a pick me up, a push in the right direction or just music to loose your shit to, this playlist is perfect…. and i’m not just saying that cause it’s mine. In all honesty I can’t take full credit, the majority was on a pick me up post I found… i’ve edited it a bit though.

Supergirl – Krystal Harris

Confident – Demi Lovato

Bad Blood – T Swizzle

Run The World- Beyoncé

Fighter – Christina Aguilera

Bad Rep- Joan Jet

No Scrubs – TLC

18 Wheeler – P!nk

So What – P!nk

Just a girl – No Doubt

Respect – Aretha Franklin

Girls just wanna have fun – Cyndi Lauper

Independent Women – Destiny’s Child

Wannabe – Spice Girls

Little Red Wagon- Miranda Lambert

New Romantics – T Swizzle

Doo Wop (That Thing) – Lauren Hill

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26 Things I Have Learned (or trying to)

Hiccups!

I’m 26 now and it ain’t half bad.

Weirdly I seem to have another bout of reflection around my birthday, I find myself looking back at the year and noting down the mile stones, sign posts and now foot marked pathways. It builds me up, seeing the things i’ve accomplished from a distance gear me up for the next year and being my competitive self always want to make the next year the best one yet.

Fitting with that theme I thought i’d do the blogger thing and make a list of things I have learned over my 26 years… well only the last 6 really. Enjoy!

1. Knowing is different to believing.

Recently i’ve noticed that ‘I know’ is normally followed by ‘but’ and I have come to understand that knowing the phrase and being able to say it is completely different to believing each of the syllables. You gotta believe it people!

2. Don’t expect things to just happen and fall in to place just because you have changed for the better.

…. other people may still remain twats… simples!

3. What people think of you is none of your business.

Don’t waste time or energy worrying… trust me I have spent too many hours crying over things, to come out the end with soar eyes and the annoyance of lost time I could have been doing something productive or that made me happy.

4. You are allowed to have low moments….

… days, weeks… YOU ARE HUMAN! …. be bummed about things, it builds up otherwise; the term bottling up comes to mind.

5. There will always be people worse off then you.

Don’t feel guilty about it, yes people have it worse but imagine if we all thought like that and acted on it; we’d all be like Stepford Wives/Husbands, robots masking any form of emotion; granted I still do this but i’m trying not to.

6. Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail.

I’m a bit planner and sometimes tend to over do it but in regards to eating right and making myself healthy, what was once planning is now second nature and 30 minutes on Sunday evenings to have a loose guide of the next week.

7. Sometimes you just have to let yourself fall.

Free falling is the best feeling, scary but amazing and yes ok you may not land in the arms of someone… may just end up getting a mouth full of dirt but a little bit of dirt never hurt anyone. Actually it’s proven that children who have grown up in the countryside healthier and have less sick days off school than those raised in towns and cities. Off topic a tad but there is a connection and meaning I think.

8. Wash off make up at the end of the day.

….it wipes the slate clean.

9. Always laugh or have a happy thought in your head before you sleep.

Tumblr is great for this.

10. LISTS!

The feeling of crossing something off, getting things done can do wonders for your motivation.. I sometimes even put simple things like take out the bins or make the bed just to get things going.

11. “Chuck it in the fuck it bucket”

Sometimes you just have to and then move on.

12. Trust your gut.

Follow your instincts and always give the benefit of the doubt.

13. Washing clothes and dishes will always be an endless task.

So throw on some tunes, get to work and get it out of the way.

14. Friendships do end.

As simple as that, on bad terms for the better or simply because you have grown apart….

15. Learn to LOVE YOURSELF!

I’m not going to lie i’m still trying to do this, still learning…and yes I have my days when I would mark myself a big fat ‘F’ others i’m like Mr Cage #winning… only human here.

16. Drink Water – lots of water!

Not liquids… water. There are so many benefits, I suggest you google them cause my god there is quite a few and too many to list in this post.

17. Keep Learning, Living & Laughing.

“Age does not define what you can do” as long as you are walking on this earth you are never too old to learn, change, make yourself and the world better.

18. Some people are just good at keeping the masks on.

No one has their shit together all the time, behind the closed doors they have their moments of doubt, fear and mini Monday melt downs. I know, I know “They make it look so easy” believe I said this the other day and sounded like a whiny teenager, thankfully I have a few truth speakers in my life that set me right.

With social media these days you only ever see the good times, the highs and funny moments of everyone’s life, because lets face it no one wants to remember a crappy day when scrolling through their instagram.

19. Wouldn’t be worth it if it was easy.

 Don’t you feel stronger after climbing the hill,scaling the wall or shimmying through a slightly open window cause that door was slammed in your face. I do and that always reminds we sometimes you have to fight to get free or where you want to be.

20. Don’t waste your time on boys who don’t text back.

Doesn’t really need explaining, we all know it’s true.

21. Don’t over think…

I’m still struggling with this one.

22. Love songs and country music aren’t always healers.

Steer clear of your recently played list after a break-up, it’s not fun. I’ll be posting a ‘You Got This’ playlist in a few days cause we all need a power up sometimes.

23. Kitchen dance parties are always a good idea.

This is a weekly occurrence for myself, 30 minutes of stupidly and the best dance moves while dinner is cooking or dishes are being washed.

24. Be nice to people… it’s a great legacy to leave behind. 

Cheers Tay Tay.

25. Show people you love them…

….don’t always assume they know.

26. Be the change you want to see in the world.

As cheesy and cliche as it sounds.

‘Just a bit of cheesiness really’

I’m hoping he’s my laundry…

Continuous, never finished.. a weekly task that reminds you, ‘today, yes today, you have to adult cause… you know… underwear can only be warn so many times in reverse.

BUT that being said when you choose to empty the contents of the your wicker washing basket on Saturday morning and out fall a pair of DC socks you mismatched to annoy your housemate… that right there, that’s the childish side that drew him in. That Neverland spirit,  kept him there along with you ability to stick your foot in your mouth, loose at innuendo battles because it’s too late in the evening for your brain to be clever and your optimism that shines like an polished antique opal.

He says the list goes on and on… it’s endless the rope of reasons why he stays and everyday he finds something else, a new strand to strengthen the rope.

Yes I do hope he is the never ending stream of washing….

Constant but always changing…depending on if you have lived in the same jeans or have been indecisive all week whether you are too cold or too hot. Some weeks that basket is over flowing due to a influx of social situations… others almost empty because you have been bunged up with a cold and don’t want to infect anything else… does that make sense?

 

Lyric Inspired Shorts (LIS)

“Oh baby baby it’s a wild world” Alex sang as we sat on the station platform “but we can survive it… we will survive it” he continued pulling me closer. The village seemed smaller than usual, with the church light beaming like a beacon in the centre; houselights glistening, the constellation of country life was in full view.

“It doesn’t seem that wild” I said closing my eyes and breathing in his scent of aftershave and summer air. “pretty calm and predictable at the moment” I tilt my head up, still keeping my head against his chest, his heartbeat vibrating my eardrum. His lips were pursed, he hates life being predictable.

Life in his book should be lived second to second, plans should be loose like untied converse trainers and sharp in takes of breaths should be a constant occurrence that spark internal fireworks. I know he should be a writer and I have told him this but as you can tell he is more of a live life than document it kind of guy. He gets restless if that spark ever turns to embers.

“Maybe…. but you need those calm moments… binary opposites remember” He smiled, such a smart arse. I guess he does listen to my babble on about semiotics. He looked down at me with a know it all expression on his face.

“I do listen to your babble see” he whispers while playing with my fingers, picking up each one at a time. ‘In all honesty I like those calm moments…. they make my heart beat faster”

“Cheeseball” I laughed “Lies, I know how restless you get if your aren’t doing something crazy”

“Moi…the Stinking Bishop can do calm, on occasion anayway, if it’s for you. ” he replied resting his forehead against mine.

 

 

 

 

 

Year Through Windows – Dec 2015

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Hi Hiccups,

This maybe a month late but the silver lining is I actually completed a year long project, I spent last year documenting my favourite thing of looking through windows!

Every month without fail there were photos looking out in to the world.

There isn’t really much I want to say about the project because I think the images speak for themselves, the changing locations, from the middle of nowhere to built up country towns…..although I didn’t travel off this Island last year I still let my legs stretch as much as I could.

I hope to go through the huge collection of photos and maybe put them in to some kind of book this year, possibly make it in to a photobook journal type of thing… not entirely sure yet.

 

Laters Taters xx

3 to 4 Minutes of Relief

Hi Hiccups

Music has saved me so many times in the past and it continues to do so, the one constant that has never let me down.

There isn’t a day that goes by that music doesn’t show up somewhere, expected or not it arrives with it’s melodies, lyrics and bassline where Revelations, power and answers can all be found.

However, recently I have come to realise that they aren’t always going to keep my head straight continuously… that’s something I have to do, something I have to learn, practice and have patience with.

I know it’s impossible to keep music playing throughout the whole day cause at some point the headphones need to be taken out or the car journey ends. Songs end and I know there is a repeat button, trust me it has been so easily pressed on a down day or when I have simply been addicted to that power note just before the chorus… I hit it on occasion, that’s what I like to think anyway.

An instant fix, but it’s just that a fix until I get the shakes, shivers and symptoms only brought on by silence.

I have no idea where this post was heading, or what point I am trying to make.

Maybe music can save, be a safety blanket or a comfort of some sort… but sometimes you have to put it down, let go of it’s hand because you can’t keep your fingers laced with it permanently.

Laters Taters

Emx

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The Best Snowflake In The Flurry

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Starting over….

In all honesty those two words have been sat in my drafts folder for about 2 weeks, waiting for me to add to them. In truth as much as I like the idea of starting over, the idea of change scares me slightly and with the new year now here it’s time to start the process of change. That’s normally what happens on January 1st right, everyone starts there plan of action for a new year and a new start.. we are all creatures of habbit and routine even if we don’t realise we are doing it or try to deny.

However this year my plan of action is yet to come to me.

I haven’t really mapped out a route or even made a list of the things I am going to need for the journey of 2016.

Maybe I should do that, make a list, think about the future and maybe make a plan. There are so many things I want to do and have this huge fear that i’ve wasted time already trying to work things out.

The Future. Scary I know.

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Fast forward to a little over a week later and a route for 2016 still has not manifested in my head let alone in written word.

So many questions have cropped up…

But why do I need a plan or list of things I want to get done?

Where do I want to be by the end of the year? in 5 years? 10 years?

This runs through my head and to be honest it makes me kinda dizzy.

I did say to someone the other day…

“I’m excited and content at the same time, the idea I have all this life in front of me but I’m happy with where I am atm… Does that make sense ?”

10 minutes later through the magic of Tumblr messenger here is what my Dear Lady from across the ocean had to say.

“It makes perfect sense – I think – you are special for recognizing this, cultivating this, peace in your heart & soul. It shows in your visions and posts, especially lately – a real soft but energized charm to what you like”

There are somethings that I want to leave in 2015 and that only came to mind in the last 24 hours of the year.

I have a tendency to have mini epiphanies most weeks so maybe making a list that dictates a whole year may not be the best thing for me personally.

Although I do have a few goals for the year which I know won’t change.

  • Get to my slimming world target.
  • Finish first draft of my book.
  • More wifi-less days
  • Do something different every month

 

But most importantly this year I am going to be the best version of myself, be happy…

Be the best snowflake in my flurry

Life does tend to blow us about a bit, pushes and pulls us in various directions, some wanted & some not so much and don’t get me started on the change of pace… that’s sometimes a little too much to handle.

I guess we just have to learn to roll with it or fly, change the things we can… grab hold of a bird flying against the wind, take control.

Let other things fly, if you can’t change it don’t waste energy trying.

I know it’s easy for me to say all these things and believe me sometimes I do find myself grabbing hold of something that I should have left alone… we are only human and last year I let myself clutch on to something for far too long. Opps.

I have finally let go and my god it feels good… at the moment anyway, we’ll see where my head is in a  week for so, maybe a different story.

But hey, if these things were suppose to be easy to let go off I don’t think life would be much of a challenge really. Having to try that little bit harder will make you stronger, saying to yourself…

You may need your eagle wings for this one little bird

….every once in a while is no bad thing at all.

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 I do ramble don’t I.

I treat these posts more like conversations I would have with friends, continuous but sometimes they don’t have a plan.. hah plan.

They can be all over the place as i’m trying to work things out.. kinda raw but it’s works for me and i’m hoping you take something out of this, even if it us just one of the quotes in italics.

I hope you are all well and brought 2016 in with smiles, laughter and surrounded by people that mean the most to you.

Laters Taters

Emx

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